insecure

My insecurities are swallowing me whole.

I just want a friend to talk to. I want to wrap myself up in someones arms in a blanket and just cry into their chest. I want to tell them everything from the reasons why I get up in the morning to the reasons I become a ball of self pity each night.

I just really want a person to ask me how I am and not have the fear that I am bothering them if I tell them how I really feel.

Short post, long night.

Goodnight.

Stupid Post.

Read the lyrics to Stay With Me

That is all I feel right now.

I wish you were here right now.

Summer Dreams are Dwindling.

I'm home and I am stressed.

I start work on Monday and my schedule is hectic. I am worried that I am not going to get to see my friends as much as I'd like, because of how busy I will be. However, I am prepared to get my life in order. I am not fully sure of what I want or need, but I have an idea.

I will work M-F 8-5 stay out as late as my body lets me, and party when I can...which probably won't be often. I will eat healthier and try my hardest to spend time building my relationships with people. I am in this constant battle with myself between what is right. Should I go out and experience life while I am young, or get my shit together so I have things planned out when I am older.

Constant struggle. In other news I get to redo my room and I am going to decorate a room at our lake cabin. I am very excited about it. First step money, second step free time.

Overall, I was really hopeful for this summer and now I am just slightly excited.

A year too fast

It's finals week and freshman year of college is coming to a close. I have made a good group of friends this year and am very thankful for that. I can certainly say, I have laughed, I have cried, I have fell, and I have flew. (flown??)

I will remember the times Bryce and I laid amidst the dirty laundry in his room passing around whatever drink he provided. We would laugh at the most absurd things until we couldn't breathe and our cheeks were stained with tears.

I will remember going to church with Katie for the first time, playing Mario Kart with the friends that we made there...and then never went again.

I will remember every good time with Molly with our late night drives and late night food runs so that we can catch up and be a shoulder to cry on.

I will remember Mikki and I prancing down the hallway and laughing at each others awful jokes. I will remember all of the times I made her hug me and the few that she asked me for a hug.

I will remember the fights with Meg. I will remember the late night laughs, and heart to hearts. I know it may not seem like we get along all the time, but I don't know what freshman year would have been like without her.

So in two days this year is behind me. I go into a summer filled with work and probably no free time. I guess I will just suck it up because 'hey that's life' and 'you're an adult now' because those are both obvious reasons to throw your life into work and no fun. I hope it turns out okay, I really do.